My husband and I work on the house together and I think to myself about how much I enjoy his company. We have a good relationship. But it wasn’t always that way.
A couple of years ago, things got so bad between us that when he asked me if I wanted to get a divorce, it took me a solid minute of staring in his eyes, desperately wanting the relief that could be mine if I didn’t have to be in this relationship anymore, before I finally said…no.
But I was this close…
Then there was the time we had a horrid fight in the car and when we finally arrived home, we sat outside in our driveway and confessed to each other, with calm and control, that we were both miserable in each other’s presence. Yes, misery was not hyperbole. It perfectly described the pain in both our hearts.
But it is was during the subsequent years of working on our relationship, and attending the Rock’s Marriage Getaway, that I kept the following hopeful story close by. It was needed for holding on.
Our married friends, let’s call them Tom and Lisa, grew to hate each other so badly that their fights devolved into something resembling high school fits. They began throwing things and actually spitting on each other. And these were otherwise really fine people! Their disdain for each other caused them to reserve their ugliest behavior for the person they vowed to have and to hold.
Their fights devolved into something resembling high school fits. They began throwing things and actually spitting on each other.
After their divorce, Tom remarried. Tom and Lisa had two boys between them, and so, when Tom would visit them, he would bring his new wife. However, what started out as cold and awkward between the new wife and Lisa, soon turned rather comfortable.
As a few years passed they actually began to enjoy each other’s company and became downright friendly. They really liked each other.
Of course with all the goodwill being exchanged between the two women, it caused Tom to drop his guard and become comfortable as well, and soon they carried on like the best of friends. Remarkably, there was Tom and Lisa forgiving each other and getting along great, as if nothing had ever happened. It was turning into one big happy family.
And so, with so much fun to be had in each other’s presence, they decided to all go on vacation together, Tom, his new wife, Lisa, and the boys. Off they went to the mountains where they had a great time. Tom was rugged and playful and the boys couldn’t get enough of him. Interactions between Tom and Lisa were easy and fun.
And so, it was as Lisa was lying in her bunk in a cabin with the boys, while Tom and his wife were in the adjoining cabin, that she lay looking at the ceiling thinking to herself, “I am so in love with my ex-husband."
She lay looking at the ceiling thinking to herself, “I am so in love with my ex-husband.”
Love that turns to hate, can be love again.
Apart from infidelity and abuse, if you are feeling that all hope is lost in your marriage, it may not be. Hold on. Love can make a comeback. How awful if you didn’t give it enough time to see it happen.
The Rock’s Marriage Ministry has helped countless marriages come back from the brink. Along with the Marriage Getaway, there are events throughout the year. It’s a ministry dedicated to the importance of solid marriages. There is no shame in a difficult relationship. It’s hard on everyone. But steps can be taken to not simply bring back your marriage, but make it better than it ever was. Your marriage, no matter how dysfunctional and painful, can be restored. It can happen to you.
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On Saturday, March 24, join marriage experts, Jimmy Evans, Montell and Kristin Jordan, Dave and Ashley Willis, and Pastor Miles at the XO Marriage Conference, and you’ll learn how you can have a strong and vibrant marriage.
